Are you starting out on your separation and divorce journey?
It's very common to have some unsettling thoughts and emotions.
Knowing that you are not alone can help you manage your "weird feelings".
Here are some common ones you might be experiencing:
1. "Am I doing the right thing?"
So often we are bombarded with information about how difficult divorce is for people and for their families. Because of this information, you might be second-guessing your decision. Seeking out a separation specialist, divorce coach, or therapist might help you learn strategies on how to have a good divorce. It's true that separation and divorce can be difficult, but with the right support network you will be able to get through it and come out the other side thriving!
2. "As a couple we are already in so much financial trouble - divorce is expensive - maybe I should just stay in this..."
It's true that separation and divorce can be financially stressful, and for couples already struggling with their financial health this can be the nail in the proverbial coffin. That being said, divorce does not have to throw you into bankruptcy. Finding a divorce financial expert, financial advisor, or accountant and discussing your situation with them can help you craft a plan for how to become more financially healthy at the end of your divorce. Though you might be pinching pennies during the separation and divorce journey, making wise financial decisions during the process and having a plan for when the proceeding is finished will set you up for financial success post-divorce.
3. "Should we stay together for the children?"
There is a lot of conflicting information out there about the affect of divorce on children. Seeking out good, well-sourced articles and books can help you decide what will be best for you and your family. It has been suggested that the best upbringing a child can have is one free of toxic trauma, so if your relationship is causing harm to your child by exposing them to disputes between yourself and your spouse, separation and divorce might be the best thing for your family. Many therapists, social workers, and child development experts can help you determine what will be the least traumatic way of moving into a new family system or improving the family system as it already is.
4. "My spouse and I are friends - I don't want a separation and divorce to harm our amicable relationship."
Separation and divorce can get ugly, however, there are many ways to separate and divorce in a positive way. If you and your spouse want to have lawyers help you through the process, seeking out lawyers who practice Collaborative Law can keep you out of the realm of litigation. You might also choose to hire a mediator. Mediation is a process where you and your spouse stay in total control of the outcome and have a mediator assist you in going through the steps necessary to separate and divorce. Some people choose to only use mediation, and others choose to use mediation and have lawyers review the agreements at the end to provide independent legal advice. There are also other ways to separate and divorce in a positive way - talking to a counselor or trusted advisor can provide you with guidance on the best process for your situation.
5. "I'm the one leaving the relationship. I don't think the other person should have to pay me anything or part with any of their belongings."
Even if you are the one leaving the relationship it's important to think carefully about important decisions like foregoing spousal support or waiving equal and equitable property division. Relationships end for a wide variety of reasons and a person does not need to feel guilty or like they have to compensate the other person for the closure of the relationship. Speaking with a therapist, divorce coach, or other trusted person can help you work through your feelings regarding spousal support and property division. Talking to your lawyer and/or your mediator can also help you understand the importance of setting yourself up for success in your post-divorce life by making equitable decisions about support and property during the separation process.
Maybe you have another weird feeling or thought that keeps coming up for you - if you do, we encourage you to seek out someone to speak with about what's going on for you. Divorce is difficult and you do not have to do it alone. We are available for coaching and for mediation services - please contact us to book a consultation and to start your separation and divorce journey in a positive way: firstname.lastname@example.org